Rebounding Connections

I


can have those same thoughts


The same words pushing into and rebounding around my brain

There is a moment

Of rebounding connecting pain

Cleaning

Then I think them again


And I can’t connect to them

They don’t fire

Not in some figurative love song
But in real, in literal

I don’t connect


I don’t feel them

I craved for dandelion salad and kayle

After two point five hours I could no longer reach those connections

The Last Days

The only thing that changed 

Between connecting to life and then connecting to death
Was I had alcohol

A chilton to be exact

Now I am scared…scared of what all can bore into me. How deep it becomes

The rebounding matters.

Going from not connecting for days then suddenly you connect and it goes  deep

No longer on the surface

Surface level

But consuming. 

Like a ball that soars up but then must go all the way down

I lose control

All the control I had before

Wasn’t being used

Lazed out

And so I lose control in the depths of suicide triggers

Lost in them



I…am afraid to recommend this

Afraid to give you hope and then it isn’t real

Afraid you’ll try it

Cheat

Then rebound like me

I don’t know if you can handle it

I only did because I had to type this

Because I am also excited

Excited there might be hope

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