Fast Food and Suicide Experiment 21


Connections Part Two: 

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In Thoughts News:

I saw Inside Out again last night and it is actually much better the second time and not as consumingly sad. To think that she didn’t want joy and couldn’t connect to it. Instead she went numb until she was able to embrace the sadness. I wonder if that’s an aspect of sociopath. Are they actually numb or are they just not accessing their true feelings? In a society where we’re meant to feel and act in certain ways, if we don’t feel those ways do we disconnect from ourselves and society?

In Study News:

I’ve still had access to swift anger that was hard to qualm as well as social fears. The social anxiety was a flurry of past connections uniting (friends from different areas of life where I dealt a great deal with social anxiety). It was hard to calm those but since it went well they may have broken and reconnected in the right feel zones of connections. I’ll have them all unite again to test it.

It did feel like reaching into old connections more than new ones forming though. Anger is also hard to hold but still very palpable and almost more palpable even. Overawareness mayhaps.

The differences of note so far in going back to primal food eating is that nighttime doesn’t hold…well darkened feels of something hiding in it. 

Instead at night I feel…invoked by these moments of passionate energy. These bright songs fill me and I want to burst them out. I may have gone for a singing rain walk last night. I wanted to be fully part of nature but left my clothes on. Technically Texas allows for shirtless women but I’m scared to test it in the town known for having the most churches per foot. 

The Energy of Primal Life

Blissmind is finally back where I can eat once a day and be completely full until eating the next day. It’s healthy. Studies show it. Here’s a guide if you want information. Mostly though it works for my mind and body and that’s what matters when it comes to my mind and body 😉

It’s amazing to not want to scarf down food all the time. I’ve even hit the point again where I’ll put food in my mouth and if too full it will just sit there and I almost forget to eat it. My body is just attuned to what it needs. Happens with liquids too. I’ll take a drink and just let it sit in my mouth for a bit. It’s oddsquirging but a self conquerment from addiction. 

The annoyance is that I haven’t felt depressed or suicidal at all. They just don’t trigger. Issues: A) It’s felt like part of my personality all of these years and I fear not being as ‘deep’ without them. B) It makes the study seem to easy and true C) Ignorance is Bliss keeps pouring into my head D) I actually like this more overall and want to progress in life rather than end it.

Sigh..I forgot to bed my egg bacon Brussel’s muffin with almond butter. I feel super deprived times.

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