I was lovingly stroking acai blended with wayyyy too much dragon fruit when it hit me. Dragon fruit should be like a tiny teaspoon of the bowl because this was Acai soup. But also, as the berries warmed my blood and cooled the 102 degrees from my skin, I felt this relaxation within.
I thought back to many many years ago when I would scarf down sugar. It started off as intuitive. I knew I wanted that sour patch kid of chocolate ice cream drooling with whipped cream and crunchified by Snickers bits. My mouth begged for it. I could tell because it felt like my glands turned to a hose my mouth would go so wet. It even is now as the memory tempts me. Right now though I don’t desire it. I can pick out which flavors I crave, like the blueberries and raw cocoa. Instead of a blissfucking glob of ingredients in an ice cream bowl that I can’t pick out, I can now see into the ingredients like a microscope of intuition and know what my body wants.
From this realization I felt deep inner peace. I have come so far in my journey of health to get here. After years of being addicted to sugar and then three years of having none and fearing fruit, I can finally eat an Acai bowl and not want to dip a cookie into it. My sugar addiction is finally “over”. It probably never truly is. Like an alcoholic is always an addict I think I am too. If I ate three cupcakes I would crave three more and then not be able to stop wanting them for weeks and hate my brain for it.
Life is always a journey, and I don’t always know where I’m going, but right now it’s into a bowl of blueberries and bee pollen.