For years upon many days I followed the ketosis diet. It is a detox diet that melts your fat right out of your body (Seriously. On the forums we discuss not knowing if it is going to be gas or solid when we toot). For the first time in this lifetime, my brain no longer felt suicidal for months at a time. I could be around multiple strangers and laugh at their words, say awkward sentences and be my chaotic strange self. Instead of social anxiety there was strength and self-love. Where there had been OCD there was now silence and calm thoughts about cheese. The ADHD just a memory. And yet, there was fear at all of the mental pain coming back the moment a cupcake entered me.
Since ketosis involves having a super low amount of carbs I cut bread and fruit out of my mouth plan but for a half a fig or 1/4 of a mochi ice cream ball. I had the Trader Joe’s green tea version and would take a bite, let the cream melt and the tea lift my tongue buds, then put the bitten ball back in the freezer. There’s so much mental control when you detox from your sugar addiction. You no longer have to eat every bite of sugar until you hate and love yourself in the tears of cocaine. Since keto cured me it was now my drug. Bread turned into this demonic force that was causing suicide in my friends. The reason for mental disorders. Furthur enforced by the book Grain Brain.
I was suddenly the odd one looking into their lives and saying bread was the reason they cried at night. The reason a knife to their throat was just as delicious as a knife inside chocolate cake. That suicide is your body telling you to get off the food chain. We are the most evolved creatures on this planet and evolution now reaches into consciousness. Eating meat, sometimes even raw because blood is life, makes you so primal you feel more animal than angelic half the days. You feel so on top of the food chain you are a hunter. Eventually I wanted to slay fat people. A force rippled through my veins saying they were just things to slaughter, that it was a disgust to allow them on the food chain.
To be continued…